Suicide

“Suicide”

What’s the matter with me? Life is short enough as is and it’s an honor and a privilege to be a part of this “thing” (as fucked-up as it is sometimes). So why are so many of us so damned miserable? Okay, I’m lonely and alone and as is the case with thousands of others like me – the opportunity to love and to be loved – has indeed passed me by. I suppose that I feel cheated, short-changed and at times – abused – so fucking what? Who said that life is fair? Each of us are born with or without attributes – some of us are nice to look at and others are born butt-ugly. We’re smart. We’re stupid. Sometimes we as individuals define mediocrity. You make due with what you are given. Often enough – it’s simply up to us to develop or refine what we have to work with. We can and do choose to embrace good or bad habits. We can smoke, drink or drug – or we can choose to become health nuts. We can read and enlighten ourselves or we can remain ignorant and in the dark. The greatest thing anyone can become in life “is an over-achiever”. The most important thing we can obtain or develop in life is generosity, beneficence and yes – purpose. And one of the most logical and insightful things we can do when we feel down – is to thing about and to literally reach-out to someone who is in need. When I’m feeling sorry for myself – I think about children who are combating cancer at Saint Jude Research Hospital. When I feel depressed – I think about children who are starving, destitute and hopeless. And it makes me feel like an ass.

Yes, to the atheist – suicide is a dead-end. To the Christian – suicide is a pathway to perdition. I simply don’t know what transpires. What I do believe will happen should I choose such an unalterable desperate route – I may never again be able to experience the sweet, tart, creamy texture of cheesecake. I may never again be able to appreciate the aroma and the taste of freshly baked bread or the smell of ground coffee beans – nor will I be able to view a pristine forest, a winding stream or brook or the smell of evergreen pine trees and wild flowers. If I should take my life – it is very likely that I’ll never again be able to experience the sight and the feel of a woman’s buttocks or perky soft breasts.

Perhaps life – even at it’s worst – may very well beat the alternative. Perhaps when we’re thinking about ending it all – it’s up to us to find a cause and to assist; An interest or a hobby that engrosses; An environs which reaches us viscerally. Perhaps when we’re down and out – we have to set achievable goals; To grow a garden; To adopt a pet.

And for those of you who are dealing with a terminal illness – maybe you could keep in mind that everyone faces death eventually – life is terminal for everyone. You can face your premature impending death with bitterness and fear – or – you can attempt to face “it” with courage and even anticipation.

You can transform you impending death into an opportunity to teach, to console, to counsel, even to learn.

Atheist or theist – nihilist or foundationalist – you can reach-out to God.

Because death is inevitable – each of us must learn all over again:

To eat.

To make love.

To experience – as if it were our final moments here on earth. Because one day – in the not too distant future – it will indeed be our last.

Jessy J.T.